HEALING OUR WOUNDS – PART 2

Posted: April 4, 2013 in Uncategorized
Gods's Unfailing Love

Gods’s Unfailing Love

HEALING OUR WOUNDS – Part 2

MYTH:   Time heals all wounds. 

TRUTH:  All wounds take time to heal…and us doing our part.

“God heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3
God is the healer.  We get that.  But what is our part?  What must you and I do in order for healing to take place?  Time does not heal all wounds, but rather will cause untreated wounds to heal crooked especially wounds of the heart.

Let’s take a bird’s eye view of the principles involved in healing our wounds.

You and I have a “chance” meeting in Atlanta Airport while we are waiting for our connecting flights.  It’s been a few years since we have seen each other and you have experienced some very serious soul wounds and relational pain.  Knowing that I have some experience in helping people find healing you waste no time with small talk.  You tell me what has happened and ask me to share about what might be necessary for you to do in order to find healing and a fresh start.

So in the brief time we have between flights I share some key bullet points about the healing process rather than specific answers to your situation:

  •  You must heal from the inside out.

Just as Band-Aids and bandages may be necessary to protect the surface of a wound, so might some patches on your heart wound be necessary to protect your heart while it heals.  But in the end the deepest wounds must always heal from the inside out.  Covering it up or pretending it’s not there simply will not bring healing, just scars.

  • You must get real in order to heal. 

That means that you must face and identify your wounds accurately. We often need a set of objective “eyes” from someone else to tell us or help us identify accurately what and where the wound really is.  We dealt with this in part one extensively so I will not repeat it all here.

  • You must feel to heal.

Jesus said that “You will know the truth and the truth will set you free.”  The word in the language of His day that is translated “know” did not mean to know intellectually but by experience.  The problem is that we all develop protective coping tools that keep us from feeling the pain.  That means medicating the pain prevents healing.  If you eat to calm your nerves, rage to numb your fears, drink to stop the thoughts, etc. then you short circuit God’s healing process.

Here is a way to address or help someone address protective personalities we develop to protect ourselves:

Goal:  To ask God to show us unhealthy methods of the “flesh” or  “sin nature” we depend on and transfer our trust to Jesus.

Have the person pray and ask Jesus (God) to be in charge and reveal truth to him or her.
Jesus if there is any part of this person’s “flesh” or “sin nature” that protects him from being  hurt or from trusting you?  Show him    or her what it might be called?  (Examples: NUMB, Pleaser, invisible, controller, victim, judge, loser, rescuer, phony, the wall, perfectionist, Pharisee, anger, bully, achiever, etc.)
How does the “flesh” (called _______) do its job of protecting you? (Example: I stop feeling)
What is it there for?  To protect you from ____________ (Example: rejection, abandonment).
What would happen if it weren’t there?  What does it believe? (Example: If I trust I will be hurt)
How old is it?  How old were you when your “flesh” first created this method? (Ask God to show him/her)What happened to you?

        Ask the person to pray and tell God that you are an adult now and no longer need ___________ to protect you, telling Jesus, “I transfer the responsibility to protect me over to You.  I trust you to now to protect me from rejection, criticism, etc. (whatever the fears).”
Pray and bind up any demonic influences that have attached themselves to the “flesh” , the wound, the lies, etc.

  • Exchange false beliefs with truth

The lies we believe become the truths we live by.

The trauma that caused the soul wound is unfortunate, but what the person began to believe about himself or herself is the issue.  The lies must be uncovered and replaced with truth…experiential truth.

SOME EXAMPLES OF FALSE BELIEFS:

Say them aloud and circle the top 3 that feel most true:

I don’t need anyone, I can’t trust anyone, I need to be hurt to be loved, If I am not in control bad thins will happen, I am a victim, I am superior to others, If I am vulnerable I will get hurt, I am defective, I am bad — no good, I’ll always fail no matter how hard I try, I am stupid, I am worthless, I cannot cope with life with out chemicals or pornography, I have value when I am needed, I am my flaws, My value is in my appearance, Whatever I do won’t be good enough, I am all alone.  None cares, I am responsible for other people’s feelings, problems, & behavior, My worth is based on my performance, My worth is based on my position, If people know me they won’t like me, God doesn’t love me or really care, God won’t be there when I need Him, People will like me only if I am happy, Authority figures will betray me, I don’t deserve to be happy, I can’t change, If I don’t feel I won’t hurt, Asking for help is a sign of weakness, Some sins are not forgivable, People will love and accept me if I am perfect, I will never be successful; Rules don’t apply to me, etc.

What do I do with them? (adapted from Genesis Process)

        Ask God to show you the lies you believe (Use a list as an aid and say them aloud. Which feel strongest?)
        Ask the person to say the lie in His or her own words…
        Ask the person to close their eyes and picture himself or herself alone with Jesus…
        Ask the person to say the lie aloud to Jesus (God)… repeat it.
        Pray and ask Jesus to speak the truth to this person. (wait as they listen to God).
        Ask the person to share what Jesus has shared.  (Perhaps you might feel led to ask the person to think of a Scripture that what is true and to think on this truth until the lie feels powerless or untrue.)  Pray and ask Jesus if there is anything else He wants to share with this person.   Pray and ask Jesus to heal and seal off any wounds, demonic influences, and behaviors that the lie created.

  •  Grieving and leaving.

One way we move forward is to grieve what was taken or lost and leave “it” behind as we live in the present.  Often people are never allowed to grieve a loss.  Often, people who have had different types of losses such as miscarriages, abortions, abuses, etc. are not even allowed to grieve or talk about the loss.  Also less than wise comments like, “Nothing is lost if you know where it is.  So stop sorrowing,” or “Be strong and don’t cry,” shut down people in the midst of the healthy process of grief.  Grieving takes time and a lot of it.  What will you miss?  What will you not miss?  Sometimes we need to write a letter of goodbye to the person, relationship, or whatever was lost or taken from us.  Christians are to grieve but with a hope that there is more good  to come in the future.

  • Choose Your Next Steps Wisely.

Direction determines destination we are told.  Where do you want to end up?  Then you must choose a path or direction that will lead to that destination.  Do the next right thing, but make sure it is the right thing even if it is a hard thing.

  • Healing takes place best in relationships.

“No one heals from destructive relationship patterns through counseling alone. People are wounded in relationships and people are healed in relationships, but it takes real people in real community in real relationships. If the church does not, will not, or cannot provide this for broken people, then where will they go? ” L. Vernick

  •  Forgiving those who hurt you helps you heal.

I did not say reconciling, but forgiving.  Reconciling is dependent upon the perpetrator’s repentance and asking for forgiveness. Forgiveness however, is just between you and God and benefits you.  Based on the atonement of Christ the debt was paid in full.  Forgiveness examines what is owed to you and cancels the debt. A great weight is then lifted off you and you are set free. How has he or she wounded you?  What judgments are you making of that person? Even if correct the judgment seat or right to judge must be given back to God and then the debts owed canceled before God.

  •  Guard Rails and Boundaries are necessary.

Guard rails protect us from going over the edge into harmful territory and danger.  Wisdom dictates we establish some guard rails in our lives to keep us from getting hurt due to careless or reckless behavior.  For instance, any relationship I have with a woman other than my wife is always with my wife’s permission and involvement as well.

Boundaries are not walls but more like fences over which you can talk.  Walls keep people out while boundaries carefully regulate who gets in and what the terms are. 

  • Understand the purpose of woundedness

God is too kind and too wise to ever waste pain.  It can be redemptive and help us become more like Christ.  What doesn’t kill us makes us better or should.  Ask yourself a question: If there were no pain and there were no gain, would we even turn to God at all?  I’d like to say yes, but I am not so sure.  Suffering is the gift no one wants, but suffering is the refiner’s fire to surface the impurities and to make us more like Christ. 

  • Believe who God says you are

Everyone who finds life in Christ is a new creation…. Stop right there and let that sink in.  When a person is given new life through Christ he or she is given a new spirit.  We are regenerated.  There is a new you.  That new you is perfect, righteous, holy, loving, and all the qualities of the character of Christ. You cannot improve upon it nor can you take away from it.  It is perfect as God is perfect. You are a saint who sins but you are not a sinner by nature any more.

  • Reach out and give of yourself

Not long after my father died my mother was sharing with me about what her life was like and how empty it felt without my dad.  Without minimizing her pain or loss I suggested she find a way to simply volunteer and do good to others in pain.  She became a volunteer at the hospital where my dad had died.  She began to build into the lives of other hurting people and with that found healing in her pain…  Overcome evil with good….doing good and you will never regret it.

Healing takes time but it also takes each of us choosing to cooperate with God in the healing process.  These are just bullet points that I hope will give you a start in the right direction.  More could be added I am sure and certainly stated more fully and more clearly.

God is good.  He is the One who heals….

Comments
  1. Jay Leatherman says:

    Good one!

     

     “Give me one who yearns;…give me one far away in this desert, who is thirsty and sighs for the spring of the Eternal Country. Give me that sort of man; he knows what I mean” – Augustine