Interview with Debby – Part 3

Posted: October 2, 2012 in Sexual Abuse, Testimonies
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BOB:  Sitting here in this room are many women young and older who have a secret, feel ashamed and blame themselves for what has happened to them perhaps because they were drinking, shouldn’t have been there, didn’t listen to a parent, etc. and are functioning but deep down feel guilty and ashamed even though they were coerced.  What would you say to them?

DEBBY:  It wasn’t until I was able to look back at what happened and picture someone else at that age (innocent, naïve, untouched and ill-equipped) or in that circumstance and the condition I was in could I see that I was not responsible.  Picturing someone else helped me see that the person I was picturing was not responsible and neither was I.  To answer your question: They should talk to someone who will accept them and who can help them… as you have done with me. Also, if there are men who have coerced and used women as was done to me, they need to know that God wants to forgive them and deal with their guilt as they acknowledge it.

BOB: What would you say to parents?

DEBBY: Be the parent and protect your children and teens. Do not be naïve or stupid or live in denial.  Bob, you asked me where my parents were during those three awful years and the answer was that they often left me alone with this “Christian guy” while they were in a different part of the house.  They thought they were doing me a favor, but they weren’t.

BOB:  What would you say to husbands whose wives have been sexually abused or raped?

DEBBY:  They need to do what you did with me.  You chose to enter into my suffering as completely as you could.  You needed to know all that was done to me, not out of curiosity, but to feel my pain.  In order for you to forgive you needed to know specifically what to forgive others for.  Also, what has helped and still is helping me heal is your unconditional love and acceptance and the choice to talk with me on an intimate feeling level about the events instead of sweeping it under the rug.

Maybe you should share about your pain and how you have had to struggle to forgive.

BOB:  You were taken back at the intense emotional battle that both I and your counselor experienced at learning of what was done to you.  But for us … for me it was as if this had just happened to you and it ripped my heart out…still does.  IT is like fear and intense grief all at once. Fear at what might never have been and grief at the horror and brutality. So I experienced intense anger at the injustice done to you… and awful sadness at how you were treated so disrespectfully as if you had no value at all.  Here is what I shared with our kids when we told them of this. This was after I had already spent a week of anger and trying to forgive, but struggled with it.

One morning my son and I spent about an hour in heart wrenching prayer together as I worked through the forgiveness of all that was done to Deb.  I have a real peace about the forgiveness and at least for now am praying God’s blessing upon those who have brutalized the one I love more than anything.  I was deeply moved when Keith cried out to God thanking Him for sending me into his Mom’s life.  I cry when I think what I might have lost if we had not met when we did. Deb tried to tell me that her life with me has made up for her suffering and mistreatment, but that is not true.  Nothing in all the world could make up for it, but the blood of Jesus has covered it.  That is why I can forgive and so can she. Hatred it too big a burden for me/us to bear.

Genesis 50:20 says “Don’t be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, saving many lives…” (Restoring…bringing new life to, etc.)

Isaiah 43:18-21 (NIV) “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing!  Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland. … I provide water in the desert and streams in the wasteland, to give drink to my people, my chosen, the people I formed for myself that they may proclaim my praise.

CAN GOD RESTORE Broken hurting people? The answer is a resounding YES!

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