Interview with Debby – Part 2

Posted: September 25, 2012 in Sexual Abuse, Testimonies
Tags: , , , ,

DEBBY: Bob, people might be thinking that you knew all about these years of trauma and rape, but you didn’t. Why don’t you tell them what you knew and how we both discovered the truth of what had happened to me.

BOB: I knew of the 3-year relationship (but not its abusive nature) and of a relationship or two during the time in between that and our meeting, but I did not know anything of the trauma or the rapes.

Over the past couple of years I have received some specific counseling training and also encountered a number of women in counseling in and outside the church, who either had been raped, date or acquaintance raped, child raped, and many more who had been molested in many ways.  I began to see some similarities in what some life histories with your life history.  At the same time you had entered the Genesis Counseling Program simply to learn and grow in your faith.  I did not talk to you about it, but alerted your counselor to the possibility of a date rape in your past…to check it out.  She did and all this began to unfold.

DEBBY:  Until recently, I was unable to speak of this period of my life with the freedom and full understanding that I now have.  But on February 10th I began to learn of the true nature of what had happened to me. As I was working through resentments from the past God showed me that I still had some resentment toward the Christian guy who had hurt me so deeply.  As the story unfolded my counselor began to see the reality of what had happened and how what I had blamed myself for was sexual abuse and rape.

I have since learned and understand that those who have been abused as I was for three years and those who have been date raped as I was come out of those experiences believing they were responsible for what happened either because of bad choices (shouldn’t have been there, didn’t fight back, drinking, and more).  Most date rape victims believe they were not raped and were in fact responsible for the event (and I was no exception); Thus the silence for the past 30 plus years.

This is very important: The result for me (understanding rape and what happened to me for what it is) has been freedom and relief from an awful weight I had borne alone and unjustly for decades. I am doing very well, except for the difficulty in sharing this. I have good days and more difficult days, but God is healing my wounds.

BOB:  Deb, What about the memories?

DEBBY: Memories don’t go away, but the sting and the hurtful part of those memories can go away. The hurt and the pain were in what I believed about myself as the result of those awful events (dirty, worthless, unlovable, damaged, etc.).  When those false beliefs are replaced by God with God’s truth then the sting and the hurt of the memory is erased… and as Jesus said, we are made free.

BOB:  Most, women who have gone through this healing process you just described, choose to then never share this with anyone and try to shut it away.  What would you say to them and why?

DEBBY:  Secrecy breeds shame and shame is Satan’s tool to keep you from real and complete freedom.  Real healing is helped along by helping others with what has happened to you.  You have encouraged me all along not to waste the suffering I have gone through. Someone asked me “What is the difference between being able to function really well even as a Christian as I have for the last 30 years and real healing as I am now experiencing?”  If I had not taken the risk of seeking to grow and change… and had not chosen to share this with others, I would never have been able to reach the potential God has for me. Satan was perfectly content for me to stay as I was and function well, but never find full healing and reach the potential God has for me.  If are content with the way we are, Satan wins.  If I were to keep silent about my suffering and abuse all that suffering and pain would be wasted. The goal of my heart and the purpose of my scars that do remain are to help bring healing to others; and that can only happen by sharing my experience and talking about it.

“The hurt and the pain were in what I believed about myself as the result of those awful events…”

Do Debby’s words resonate with you? Do you find yourself caught in a web of lies about who you are because of something that has been done to you? Tune in next week to read more of how God used Debby’s experience for good, in her life and those of others. 

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